We’re Back in the 406!
On a dirt road in Montana
In October, we sold our 550-square-foot house in Missoula Montana of 18-years and then spent 5-months residing at our home away from home: Deer Park Monastery in southern California, where we've been venturing to for varying amounts of time every year for the past 8-years. We went from a 550-square-foot home to a one-room dwelling at Deer Park and now we've downsized once again to our home on wheels: a 1989 Chevy G20 van we've named Ollister (or Olly for short). This is us learning how to live the van life, as we resume our search for land in western Montana, in an effort to manifest our long-held vision of starting a small and rustic mindfulness practice center and potential residential mindfulness community: Empty Mountain!
We left Deer Park on Monday March 28th and landed in the Bitterroot valley, just south of Missoula, on Thursday, March 31st. And we’ve hit the ground running, as we’ve already gotten boots on the ground and looked at 3 properties for sale, none of which were viable options for what we’re looking to do. We went and looked at one parcel today in the Pattee Canyon area of Missoula - 20-acres for $225k (which is above our price range) - and it was a hard pass before we even got to the actual land. Translation: the dirt road to access it was far less than ideal. We have another piece of land to look at on the docket for tomorrow, situated about an hour east of town.
Flashbacks from our land search efforts last year are flooding back. The stress of this process is real is what I’m saying. There’s something important and necessary in acknowledging the tension that exists. To call it what it is in such a way that honors what we’re going through while also not letting it define our whole experience. Because of course there are other things on board too. There’s gratitude and gladness and wellness alongside the difficulties.
One of the books I am currently reading - which is so well timed - is Pema Chodron’s Comfortable with Uncertainty. And gosh I so appreciated this nourishing reminder the other day from it:
“The pith instruction is, whatever you do, don’t try to make the poisons (passion, aggression, ignorance) go away. When you’re trying to make them go away, you’re losing your wealth along with your neurosis. The irony is that what we most want to avoid in our lives is crucial to awakening bodhichitta (loving-kindness). These juicy emotional spots are where a warrior gains wisdom and compassion. Of course, we’ll want to get out of those spots far more often than we’ll want to stay. That’s why self-compassion and courage are vital. Without loving-kindness, staying with pain is just warfare.”
In Pema’s languaging, we’re in a “juicy emotional spot" for sure. And I don’t mind telling you it’s hella uncomfortable. I’m also aware that we’re traversing a sacred training ground, where self-compassion and courage are what will be needed to see us through.
One breath at a time. One step at a time. This is the practice. There is no way home, home is the way.