What Has Gone Unsaid & Why
Over the summer here at EM, there has been something I’ve intentionally and specifically not written about here on our blog, or posted anywhere online, which is that on July 1, Mike headed to Deer Park Monastery (DP). He was there for 3-months, and just returned home last week. So I was solo at EM while he was away. Well, solo with our lovely feline Larch.
Mike went to DP to help work on a new residential building for the monks there, and I opted to stay home. Rather comically, he returned home last Monday, and then I flew to DP on Wednesday. So I’m writing on location at Deer Park Monastery right now. I am also here for the purposes of working. I am covering time off for my workmate in the registration office. Before Mike was requested to help over the summer, I already had my DP plans in place, so once we decided to have Mike go to DP, we had to do a bit of juggling of our schedules to make it work. So this past week, we were two ships passing in the night.
If you’re a woman, you probably get it right away why I didn’t shout from the treetops online: “Hey everyone, I’m living solo in the remote woods!” Creepy dudes and dangerous men are unfortunately a thing that us women need to be aware of as a possibility in our surroundings, pretty much most of the time. Awareness of our physical safety is inherited, culturally learned, and socially engrained. We learn early on, whether explicitly or implicitly - and usually both - to be acutely aware of when we’re at an elevated risk for being a potential victim of sexual assault. Even if we are not consciously aware of it, women instinctively make all sorts of choices and decisions based on the fact that simply being a woman makes us a potential target.
The treatment of women has come a long way, and we still have a really long way to go. In many situations, especially when we’re on our own, being a woman in the world can attract a particular kind of attention that poses a real threat. As much as I wish this weren’t so, being a woman, especially a woman on her own, can be dangerous. So in the realm of “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” I opted not to post anything online about my being solo at EM over the past 3-months. It just felt like a good idea. I’m nothing if not pragmatic.
As it can be hard to understand this issue, especially if you’re a good man who can’t fathom how other men could do this kind of terrible harm to a woman, here’s a bit of info. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, here in the U.S, 1 in 5 women will be raped at some point in their life (compared to 1 in 71 men). Rape is the most under-reported crime. 63% of sexual assaults are not reported to police. And 81% of women reported experiencing some form of sexual harassment and/or assault in their lifetime. These numbers astound me. The reality of these statistics are horrifying and heartbreaking. I personally have not been a victim of sexual abuse or assault, but I have experienced mild forms of sexual harassment and inappropriate conduct from men of a sexual nature.
This is an important subject and reality that needs confronting and facing, both on an individual and collective level, which is why I am covering it here on our blog. Staying silent is staying complicit to causing harm. Ignoring that women are at risk for sexual assault doesn’t make it go away. It’s important to shine the light of mindful awareness on topics that we really don’t want to look at, or even acknowledge. When we keep them in the dark they flourish, and destroy more & more people in their wake.
A special note to women (cis & trans) and nonbinary friends who were AFAB (assigned female at birth): As Thay said, be beautiful, be yourself. And as I say, keep yourself safe & protect yourself as best you can.
A special note to men (cis & trans) and nonbinary friends who were AMAB (assigned male at birth): Please up your game to help protect women. Call out your fellow dudes if you witness inappropriate behavior or speech towards women & girls. We need good men to get a little more involved.